Musing at 12:56am, Sunday 25th January 2015
Hi,
I don’t feel really good right now. I feel messed up, blank, incomplete. Yeah, that’s the word that describes it best. I always used to feel like I had it all together, but right now, I feel like tiny little pieces, scattered about. Lost direction, broken focus, aimless patrol. It’s just not right. I don’t feel right. I feel like I’m missing it. Like I’m deteriorating and slowly drawing back.
I mean, the things, your things that used to excite me, don’t move me anymore. All the passion I used to have gradually went down the drain.
And now I have strange passions. Strange, foreign interests and likes. This whole thing is new and my curiosity is nudging me to proceed, but something deep inside keeps saying “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof is…”
I can’t really place my finger on when I lost it, but I know just how I got here. I know the decisions that got me here.
But the truth is, am I ready to retrace my steps? Get back to loving the things I used to love, renew my mind and satisfy this longing for You inside?
Yeah, we say it every day, we lie, we even sing it “Lord, I love You”, “You mean more than this world to me”, bla bla bla. The truth is, for a lot of Christians, especially me, it’s a big, fat LIE!
If we love God so much as we say, then why do we make and stick with the stupid decisions that we make?
Why do we side-line Him at the slightest opportunity for something of very minimal and time bound value?
You say you love God and you only give Him 10-30 minutes out of your 24 hours, except on Sundays. Let me tell you who you love, Yourself!
And you’ve been so busy doing that, you didn’t even realise it. You know nothing about love.
Love is time. Whatever you love demands your time and attention. It also demands your treasure. But most of all, it deserves TRUST, SINCERITY and SACRIFICE. That’s love. No, that’s true love.
Lord, teach me to love You like this, and as I do so, paint Yourself in me. Engrave your essence in my heart. I want to be like You 100%, no 101%.