If you still feel bad whenever you see someone that offended you, have you really forgiven the person?
Forgiveness and the feeling of hurt are two different things. Forgiveness is a decision of your will, it is not a feeling. The devil has confused many people by telling them that if they have forgiven their offender, they should no longer feel bad whenever they see the person, such that when they feel bad, the devil accuses them of holding grudges. Whenever somebody hurts you, it is normal to feel bad because what that person did was not good but you must transfer your right of vengeance to God- that is forgiveness. After forgiving a person, though you may still feel the hurt and pain of the offence, you should however not wish evil for that person. Yes, the emotional hurt and painful feeling will sometimes show up again, but you must not allow your thoughts to dwell on that feeling, as that will be a fertile ground to breed grudges. To buttress on this, there are 4 terms we must understand in contrast to forgiveness. Remember- Forgiveness manes to waive any negative feeling or desire for vengeance or punishment. 1. HURT
The emotional pain or bad feeling caused by the offence... Hurtful feeling is always rekindled by anything that brings the memory of the offence, including seeing your offender. That you still feel the hurt/pain doesn't mean you've not forgiven. However, you must trust God to heal you up. Depending on the severity of the offence, constant reminiscence of the hurt/pain may make it pretty difficult to maintain a forgiving spirit; for this reason, it may even be wise to avoid anything that brings reminiscence of the pain, while you allow God to heal your heart. 2. DOUBT
To lack confidence in someone; to disbelieve, question, or suspect. This is your mind's defence mechanism in response to the hurts of the past. Practical Example- Your nephew came to spend his holidays with you, and you suddenly find out that the boy steals. With time, it became a thing of shame to you, and to your family- Asides stealing from you, he has stolen from neighbours, guests, malls e.t.c DOUBT SCENARIO: Yes, you have forgiven him for all the shame he brought to your family; you may even have healed up from the pain... but now, you don't trust him anymore- you suspect his every move, you secretly go through his stuffs to check for stolen items. In fact, one day he came home with a toy, and claimed he bought it from a nearby store; you didn't believe: you showed neighbours to verify if it's not a lost item and thereafter, followed him to the store to confirm if he truly bought it there. After confirming he actually bought it, you started questioning him on how he got the money. You see, this is a very clear case of doubt. It's clear that the man has not forgotten any the things the boy did in the past. However, it's very possible the he has forgiven the boy, and has recovered from the hurt. Doubt is not wrong, and in no way signifies unforgiveness. The boy, by his actions disappointed the trust of his uncle. He'll have to work hard to gain it back. Many Christians have become gullible because they see doubt as unforgiveness, and as such have become victims of their own folly. Doubt and forgiveness are two independent terms, yet they are not mutually exclusive of each other i.e they don't interfere with each other, and the presence of one doesn't mean the absence of the other. Doubt can be in your heart, whether you have forgiven or not... In fact, it's very possible not to doubt someone anymore, while you've not forgiven the person. SCENARIO: When unforgiveness persists in the absence of doubt You have a close friend that you confide in so much; you keep a lot of secrets with each other. Unfortunately, he divulged one of your secrets to another person, but remorsefully admits it was a mistake, and apologized. You remain close friends with him, and still tell him a lot of your secrets (i.e no doubts), yet somewhere deep within, you are patiently waiting for an opportune moment to strike back (unforgiveness). Using this story, we can also paint pictures of -When doubt persist after forgiveness -When doubt and grudge co-exist -When there is neither doubt nor grudge. 3. CAUTION: Precept or warning against evil o r danger of any kind; exhortation to wariness; advice; injunction. There are 2 types of caution: Internal & External caution. Internal caution has to do with you, while external caution is caution when it pertains to others. INTERNAL CAUTION- Still following the story-line of the man and his nephew- Based on the boy's misconduct, the uncle may warn his family and neighbours from being careless around him. Worse still, what if he sends him inside everytime they have a guest, is it a sign of unforgiveness? NO... That's caution, and it's just wisdom! EXTERNAL CAUTION- If the boy was supposed to spend the other half of the holiday with another uncle, it won't be wrong for the man in question to pre-inform/warn the other uncle to beware of the boy's misbehaviour... That's neither blackmail nor an indication of unforgiveness, it's called caution and it's not sinful. 4. RESTORATION Yes, people can make mistakes, but we must be willing to allow them stage a come-back. Don't make a permanent conclusion on people based on their mistakes, give them the benefit of doubt. Yes, it might be a risk, but it's worth it; give them the opportunity to win your trust again, especially if the person was an unbeliever, but is now a believer. Let's take a cue from the story of Paul as recorded below:
Acts 9:26-28
"And when Saul was come to Jerusalem, he assayed to join himself to the disciples: but they were all afraid of him (CAUTION) , and believed not that he was a disciple (DOUBT). But Barnabas took him, and brought him to the apostles, and declared unto them how he had seen the Lord in the way, and that he had spoken to him, and how he had preached boldly at Damascus in the name of Jesus. And he was with them (RESTORATION) coming in and going out at Jerusalem." - words in bracket are my emphases The kind of Love and reception they showed Paul in restoration was so much so that he said to the Corinthians "Receive us; we have wronged no man" (2 Corinthians 7:2)... They didn't go like, "Seriously, Paul? You? Wronged no man?" NO! They recieved him with open arms... That's restoration. WE MUST GIVE OUR OFFENDERS THE CHANCE TO STAGE A COME-BACK! May the Lord help us in Jesus' Name. AMEN